Monday, August 25, 2014

Update: Fallen Crest

Sorry about the double post. I uh... hmm... I don't know that I should be apologizing. It just feels wrong... maybe that's me.

So... we held out maybe another three hours before everyone started to lose their shit?

We've been bunkered down in a rather small room. Which has been fine in the past but the situation was so tense. Normally Nat and Navi might spar or otherwise beat the shit out of each other to kill time but we were pretty nervous of whether or not this shit was legit or not.

Devil brought us some food but... I was the only one who ate. It got really bad. The girls were both getting really fucking fidgety and impatient. I was a little scared they might rip their own hair out at the rate we were going.

I decided it couldn't wait any longer when Nat started stomping around the room complaining about how much bullshit this was. So I decided to try calling Fracture.

I got out my phone and let everyone else know what I was doing. They clamored around me... and we all awkwardly held hands... for luck or something. Maybe to just share the burden of the tension. I remember someone telling me that touch is a comforting sensation but I'm pretty sure that's wrong. That kind of thinking really opens you up for a surprise assault.

So I called Fracture. It rang for what felt like forever.

To my surprise he actually answered. I was honestly just trying to call to give everyone something to distract themselves with, but here Fracture was answering his phone.

I cranked my phone up and held it a way from my ear a little so everyone could hear. I was met with my usual greeting. The same greeting Devil and Fire gave me when I arrived.

"Sup Asshat."

I was surprised to find how incredibly casual his tone was. Like nothing had fucking happened. It was awkward as fuck. I took a deep breath. Thought a moment to remember how our calls used to go. It had been a few months.

"Not much... Fuckface."

Nailed it. I waited for a follow up... but there was nothing. Just a good long moment of silence.

"... Just gonna sit there with a phone to your ear for fun? You called me. What the fuck do you want?"

Oh fuck, right.

"Oh right," I said looking at Navi and Nat a moment to reaffirm why I made this call. I couldn't tell if I was supposed to still be acting casual and shit. So I went with:
"I've been hearing stories."

"Yeah? Anything good?"

Nailed it. I'm so good at phones.

"Oh you know. The usual. Rambling, crazy, and seemingly impossible shit."

Set the line...

"Oh you don't say. Do tell."

And hooked. Nailed it.

"I hear you traded Duckie for Picasso and Moth."

My voice waved a bit when I said traded... I meant to say killed but... Well Fracture doesn't, or didn't, do that. It was a whole thing. He was rather proud of it... I should practice saying he killed Duckie later. Get use to that thought.

"Uh yep."


"... Were just gonna do that all along were you?"

I was curious to know if this was always the plan. Like, that wouldn't make any sense right? This started when Fracture told Moth to kill Picasso because she was being insubordinate. I mean, she was in a loop but there was totally a whole tiff there. If he was just gonna do that the whole time he should have just done it then I would think.

"As soon as I found out Father was involved, yes."

Which was about what I figured. He found out about Father's role in all this puppeting Picasso and giving orders behind his back like... last Month maybe?

"So what was with all the theatrics?"

But there was still no reason he couldn't have just did this the minute he found out Father was involved. There was absolutely no need to wake up Duckie and issue a fresh set of death threats if he was just gonna give us what we wanted.

"I wanted to go out with a bang."

... Typical.

Our casual back and forth proved to be too slow for Nat. 

"Ask about the promotion thing," she impatiently urged me.

Fracture couldn't help himself when he heard her over the phone.

"Hello bitch."

So much... class. So very classy.

"Fuck you. Answer the damn question."

Both of them were....

Why am I writing... like little notes after each thing someone says? ... Huh.

Rereading this, they feel redundant. Like... who is that for?  Is that just like... narcissism? Is it for me from me?

"Be nice Fuckface."

Classy party, baby. It was a classy party. Cool classy party... la la la la.

"Eat a dick Asshat."

Aaaaannnndddd it stopped being fun. So I refocused the conversation.

"The promotion. I'm told I've been promoted."

Nailed it.

"Yes, yes you have."

.... Fuck. Burnt my nailed it on the last note.

"... Why?"

And this, was a great question. I don't know if this reads though or not but me and Fracture don't really get along very well. Hes a fuck face... I'm a bit of an ass hat... but even if we did get along I don't exactly have a reputation for being trustworthy or reliable... hardly the face you want at the head of an organization.

 "In honor of your years of loyalty to both to me and more importantly Father and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're old as fuck. You're the oldest fucking proxy I know. Enjoy it. God knows you've earned it."

... I am rather old in proxy years. Like, David's old but hes a late in life proxy.......

"So he gets your job?"

 I mean, I'm certainly not the only proxy I know that started their gig at 8... but I'm the only one I know that's still alive...

"More or less."

Not that that's actually impressive or something...

"What are we sharing it?"

I mean I can't fight. Never learned how. I've killed some people but thats just because I can aim a gun... assuming they aren't like... moving or something.

"Dear god no. I'm still like, in charge or something. Just, you know, gonna do the proper head CEO thing and not spend any time working. You'll have free reign and Devil and Fire and the cults at your finger tips. I'll look over my little pet projects... get involved as needed."

I've taken some people down with a fire extinguisher but I usually have a team of four other assholes keeping them busy... never expect the guy with the fire extinguisher to know how to swing with it...

"... Why. I don't understand. You hate me... its like a thing. You even went so far as to fucking shoot me as a means to lure us here."

And its not like I ever developed any sort of... powers or some shit in all this time. I mean... I can path... I don't like to though... denizens are scary shit.... once saw one rip a man in two.

[We heard Fracture laugh over the phone for a moment before he appeared beside me. It scared the shit out of Nat and Navi who both rose up in arms. I was kind of use to that kind of thing though. He likes to pop in during phone calls. It loses its novelty. Before they could do anything he was gone again. Nat took the opportunity to give the wall he was standing in front of the finger.]

So in all this time... I never developed any skills... of like any kind.... or abilities... or anything...

"You shoot him again, I will shoot you!"

Really sad when you think about it...

"Oh don't be such a whiny bitch. He looks fine. It'll heal."

... or maybe just pathetic...

"I'm serious. I'll chop Banks' hand off to keep you in one place long enough to do it."

But I guess if nothing else... on some level... it does mean something that I'm still here... impressive in its own right... I dare say I've...

"Nat, Please."

Nailed it. Haha. Long con. I like those.

I offered Nat a hand. I needed to get the conversation back on track. She gave my hand a squeeze. She understood and went quiet again.... or went grumbly again... quiet sounded cooler.

"Fracture, quit changing the subject."

I insisted at him. I knew him... he was using Nat to stall and distract from the question. Stripped away from someone to bounce off of to serve as his distraction... he went quiet... he stayed quiet for like a good five minutes.


I bet these little notes are making this whole things a bitch to read... I feel committed to this now... so I won't be stopping.

"I'm just not feeling it anymore... I founded this... thing... because of the horrible horse shit they put Duckie and others through... And I just shot him in the back of the head as part of trade... as a bargaining chip in a deal like he was a fucking commodity. ... It just feels like its time to do something else."

I knew better. I don't know that Duckie's death really meant that much to him. I mean... he was going to sacrifice Duckie to the Fire anyways... it was coming one way or another... something he had done to many before Duckie and something he would have done to many after Duckie...

Deep down... I think it was the fact that he had killed Duckie himself. Broke his own golden little rule.

"Why not Fire or Devil? Someone competent."

The Fire has been running a successful thriving hunter killer cult for a long time. She's an experienced leader at this point... and Devil was a fucking drug lord before she joined us. She has a strong business sense and has similarly known years of leadership experience...

"Because they would change everything. What the Free Market needs is you. You really believe in what we built. So for better or worse its your problem now. And I figure if you ever hit any snags, you can always throw your Mexican thunder cunt at the problem. You'll be fine."

But Fire is a cold heartless bitch... she would try to make the whole organization more like the Fire cult. All hunting and killing... no protecting or supplying.

And Devil. She would run this place like an actual business... despite the organization's name, the Free Market is a charity. We pour our profits back into anti-cult, pro-proxy, and as of late pro-runner initiatives. She would likely put a stop to all that.

"I'm not /his/."

Growled Nat. She... I had to try to phrase this in a way she'd accept.

"You are my friend right?"

Nailed it.

"Sure. But it's not like you fucking own me or anything."


"I know but its like if I was to say my Goddess. I'm not claiming to own that god. I am just referring to the one I associate myself with."

Your and my are like... possessive terms... but that doesn't have to imply ownership... like... it can be... just a matter of identifying your own self imposed association with a free entity.

"...Fine. I can accept that."

Besides, I think she likes being compared to a Goddess.

"Glad we figured that out. Now fuck off. Let me enjoy my... retirement I guess... Later bitch, whiny bitch, and... was it Navi? Say hi to your brother for me." 

And with that he hung up.

There was a moment of pause. And then a moment of celebration. It was over and we apparently came out insanely ahead.

Navi fucking tackled us. Started shaking us back and forth yelling, "You did it, promotion, you did it, promotion!"

Nat had to shove her off of us. It was all just so... baffling.

It was one thing when Devil and Fire told us before that that's what had happened but it was another thing entirely to know for sure....

And apparently its true. I'm going to be in charge of the Free Market... The Free Market is so fucked.

Seeing as my old job has a position was open... the first thing I did as hire Nat to fill the role. She shares a rank with Devil and Fire now as my second in commands. I've stripped her of her old code name Mantis... her new code name is Goddess. But so help you god if you call her that. She really hates code names. You should probably just call he Nat. In fact, I'm gonna strike that through just to be safe... she might stab me when she reads this...

Sloth out.

Fucking Confusing Bullshit

So, the showdown was last night. We spent the day preparing. Earplugs to keep Whisper from scrambling our brains, spotlights to blind Fracture's pet sniper, a good meal. The odds were pretty good that even though we were going to win, some of us might die. We all knew it and considered it an acceptable risk. I know I mentioned a couple posts ago that I don't want to die, but some things are worth putting your ass on the line for. We all felt it and none of us were particularly bothered by the prospect.

The biggest bit of tension was running into fuck face while we were shopping-which was every bit as awkward as you might think. The fucker was wandering around eating a fucking hot dog. At the time, we thought we were just lucky he hadn't seen what we were there buying. In retrospect, it really didn't matter. None of our preparations made a damn bit of difference.

When we reached the building, we all put our earplugs in before getting out of the car, and that definitely caused some problems with what happened next. We let Picasso out of the trunk and raced to keep up with her as she rushed up the fire escape. The roof was lit with flood lights, which was exactly what we were hoping to avoid. Fracture and Duckie were standing there, everything seemed about what we were expecting.

What we weren't expecting was what Fracture did next. We couldn't hear what he said, but we could see what he did. He shot Duckie. Just like that. Right in front of all of us. Picasso freaked out, of course, and the tall fucker showed up to reign her in. It was briefly chaos, with lots of yelling and arguing (at some point Moth must have taken out his earplugs) I couldn't hear at all, until Fracture opened a Path portal and Moth grabbed Picasso (who was fucking torn up by that point) and went through it.

Fracture then wrote me a note. It said 'There's a hospital in there'. Which didn't make much sense until he pulled a gun and shot Sloth. Again. I couldn't tell how bad it was and at the moment all I could think was that he could die if I chose wrong. If there was a hospital, it was his best chance. So I grabbed Sloth and tore through the Path. I'd only ever been through a handful of times. I never learned to use it with Baker Squad, and it's usually so fucking dangerous I don't regret not being able to use it. But this time... it was quiet. Nothing was even chasing us, for once.

When I arrived, there was a crowd, including a bunch of people in doctor's coats. They were all just standing there, but it only took a moment for them to spring into action. Thankfully, they did what Fracture said they would, and fixed Sloth up. It didn't take long, and they only tried to get me to leave once before realizing what a bad idea that was. It was all very professional, though they didn't put Sloth under. His shouts attracted Navi, who'd followed us into the Path. She told us that Vallus was still there talking to Fracture as far as she knew, but otherwise didn't know anything more than we did.

She went to go look for Moth and Picasso, and two women came in shortly afterward. One of them was Devil, who'd helped get Picasso out. The other was a stone bitch who called herself Fire, which is the most obvious misnomer I've seen in a long time. The two of them said that Fracture issued the challenge to bring us in so that he could promote Sloth and have a handle on Picasso and Moth because he was trading Duckie for them. Not sure why Moth needed trading for, and they didn't really have a good answer as to why.

Now, Sloth's position was basically second in command. The only place he could be promoted to would be Fracture's job. None of this makes any sense, and of course Fracture isn't around to explain it. Devil said she'd get him, but that was almost a whole day ago and there's still no sign of him. So we're just kind of waiting around to figure out what the hell is going on.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Gonna Kill the Fuck Outta Fuck Face

If you saw this post, you know that fuck face called Picasso out. It should be no surprise to any of you, then, that we're on the move. Picasso's foaming at the mouth even more than usual and the rest of us are no less eager to see this finished

It's good this happened now, I think we were all getting a bit impatient. Picasso especially. And the last thing we wanted to have to deal with was that bitch going nuts again. Better she go off on Duckie than on us. I never liked that fuckhead anyway. He thought it was really fucking clever to call me 'gnat' or 'bug'. I killed him for it once before, but it was in a Loop and Ronan would've been pissed if I tried to finish it off for real just because of the name thing.

In any event, bring on your crazy bullshit, Fracture. Having one mind control guy to go up against us while you cower isn't enough and you know it. You also know no one else is stupid enough to help you. Honestly, I'm not sure why Whisper is helping you. If you read blogs, Whisper, perhaps you could tell me why the fuck you're siding against the monster you're supposed to be working for? It's the losing side, especially in this case, and everyone knows it.

See you soon, fuckers!

Sunday, August 10, 2014

What the Fuck Just Happened

So, today was... fuck. I still don't really understand what happened. We were stuck in the car, we couldn't really hear or see all of what was going on. I'm not used to seeing these monsters yet, even though I've had a fair few sightings now. But this... this was a reminder of how intense these fuckers get when they think they're being fucked with.

Before Fuckface starts fucking crowing, we're all safe, and that is entirely thanks to Picasso, of all things. I certainly never thought she'd be saving my ass, but I'm pretty sure she just did, in a big way. Well... okay. He saved my ass through her. I think. That was not her normal voice, and I don't think she could do that shit.

I'm getting ahead of myself. It happened this afternoon, but I'm still all jumbled up. We were on the road moving to another town. It was Vallus' turn driving and I was in the front seat. Sloth was napping, the fucker, and Moth... well, presumably he was being an asshole,  as usual. It's hard to tell since he's so fucking quiet. In any event, everything seemed normal. But then the redheaded bastard showed up. I'm pretty sure he had flowers in the wheels because everything locked up and we skidded to a stop right in front of him.

It was going to be bad. He had the doors jammed and was rambling at us about not getting away and how he would have his fun. I honestly kind of thought I was about to die. Which, I thought I would be okay with, until I finally reached that certainty. But I'm not. I have friends for the first time since I was a little kid. I have shit to do, both to help them and to finish my own business. I still have to kill David Banks. I'm not ready to die yet.

Which is why it's very good that the next thing he did was circle around to the trunk to fuck with Picasso. I couldn't really see what was going on, but Moth was freaking out banging on the window and somehow she got out of the trunk... Next thing we can really see, she's got slender tentacles and has the ginger fucker impaled. She walked him to the treeline and a massive fucking tree grew out of nowhere and ripped him in half.

So, the good news is that we've got some time now. The bad news is that I can no longer keep deluding myself that this fucker is Writer. The guy is a monster. A Fear. I have two Fears fighting over me. Sounds like a twisted version of a shitty romcom. OH NO THESE TWO BOYS BOTH LIKE ME WHAT DO I DO? Except that instead of a happily ever after, I get murdered at the end. Sloth seems to think that if I keep serving the skinny fuck I'll be okay. Not sure I believe it, but it's the best shot I have.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Scary Fucking Bitch

Well, Helrick is dead.  We all saw it coming but we were all fucking hoping we were wrong. Everything seemed fine, for a definition of fine that involved Helrick making out with her constantly and generally acting like a little bitch with stockholm syndrome. I'm still not sure if he was humoring her or if he really was that fucking easy. I guess we'll never know now.

I'm not going to waste time on a sappy goodbye, I barely knew the fucker and honestly tearing my hair out every time someone I know dies gets really fucking old. I have work to do, I can't waste my time crying. Honestly I think the much more useful part of that post is Moth outing himself as a twisted, neurotic little fuckhead. The fucker's been trying to get in Vallus' pants the whole fucking time he's been with us and apparently what he really wants to do is attack her for breaking some bullshit vow? He's not holding to it either, I asked and Masks aren't supposed to blog or write notes, both of which he does all the time. And honestly, Vallus didn't do it out of devotion, she did it to impress fuckhead. I think that ought to negate the vows by itself! In any event, I have my eye on Moth and I don't think Vallus is going to be quite so cozy with him in the future.

If it were up to me, I'd ditch the bastard but with Helrick gone Moth's the one who gets her closest to calmed down anymore (which doesn't say promising things about his life expectancy). Plus, Sloth seems to like him. Which is ironic, considering all the crap Moth keeps spouting about how he's going to fuck us all over. I guess he's forgotten that I started travelling with Sloth while nursing him back to health after he nearly died trying to save Moth and Picasso. Some fucking people don't know the meaning of gratitude.

Otherwise, everything's pretty quiet because of the whole Helrick thing. I just thought I should say something to let people know we're all still here. Except for Helrick, I guess.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Never Not Navi

Hey. Navi here. I still don't have an official blog account but to be fair blogging is dumb. Also seems to be high maintenance. I'm sure I'll cave and make an account one of these days but shit's pretty crazy right now with the Smiling guy and the threat of... fuck face... such a vulgar nickname.

Fracture. That was it. Literally no one here calls him that. Kind of funny.

But like I was saying, Fracture or the smiling asshat could pop in at virtually anytime and just kill everyone. At least that's what it sounds like from everything I've read. You should honestly be thankful I'm even posting this. The only reason I am is because Sloth had another one of his dreams and it was either I did it or they were going to let him do it and that seemed even stupider than me posting so here I am.

I mean how inane can you get.

'I had a dream last night. I got lost in the rain. There was a clown there.'

Just truly a waste of everyones god damn time. Don't you think?

I don't know. Maybe I'm way off on this one. This just seemed like the more sensible alternative.

Vallus or Nat should really be posting but they were too exhausted. Really, I'm the only one who isn't psychologically wiped.

And that's a great segue into explaining what has apparently been going on.

I say apparently because I don't know for sure.

To me it just looks like everyone has been getting increasingly violent and unsettled since Helrick arrived. But apparently we got Picasso back when we got Helrick. I wouldn't know. I still can't see or hear Picasso.

Apparently, not even if she yells for over 24 hours straight. Which I'm told she had been ever since Nat ran out of tranquilizers to feed her.

I was also informed that she was alternating between kicking and screaming, and yelling love songs at Helrick.

Notice that I keep using the past tense here. She's stopped now. See, I had a brilliant idea. Based on what I had heard about the situation, and likely in no small part because I was the only one still thinking with their right mind at this point, I suggested that she might shut up if we just gave Helrick to her.

She did apparently keep singing out lovey dovey shit to him after all.

He was very against it. He was pretty sure if he got to close to her, that she'd kill him. But Nat managed to talk him into it.

"I /CAN'T/ take much more of this and I know /YOU/ can't either. We'll all be right behind you. We even took her knife and hatchets away. If anything goes wrong, we'll pull her off of you immediately," said Nat.

"... Fine," said Helrick.

Now keep in mind, the following was explained to me after the fact so I'm putting it in brackets.

[Well, sure enough when Helrick approached she pounced. But she didn't attack him. Just pinned his hands down and curled up next to him.

And most importantly, she stopped fucking screaming.]

Helrick was still nervous about the whole thing. Which I guess is understandable. He requested that someone be by him at all times to keep an eye on them just incase. Nat obliged and now Helrick has his own watch rotation.

Not something I can participate in. To me it looks like hes just awkwardly laying on the ground. If she did something to him, I'd never know or notice so I wouldn't be able to help. Which has put me on permanent night watch. They seem determined to make me pull my weight despite my fucked up sight.

Here's hoping that if anything comes at us I'll actually be able to fucking see it.

Navi out.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

One Big Fucked Up Family

In case you hadn't heard, Helrick the... whatever the fuck he is has smuggled Picasso out. How, I'm not sure. Unlike my travelling companions, I've never even been to Fracture's compound, but their descriptions make me think that getting a screaming woman out undetected must have been nothing short of a miracle. Either that or fuckface is really just that bad at his job.

I knew he was pretty bad, because as he has now just found out, he's a proxy who's been stupidly working against the Slender Man for a long time.  How stupid do you have to be to have regular interaction with the thing and still manage to accidentally fucking do the exact opposite thing He wanted you to do? Wow. What a fucking moron. We all knew. All of us. I even tried to tell him. Several times, you can find it in comments if you really want, I've got better things to do than dig it all up. Suffice it to say, fuckface is a fucking moron and we're definitely laughing at him over here. Or at least I am.

We're also keeping busy meeting up with Helrick and Picasso. Which is... a bit of a nightmare. The poor fucker tried to tell me when I called him to try to set up a meeting place (though honestly why I was the one that called, I'm not entirely certain.). He sounded exhausted and miserable, and I could hear her in the background babbling on about eyebrows or some shit. But nothing could have prepared me for the situation. Picasso has gone even further off her rocker, which I didn't think was actually possible. She has no remaining grasp on reality at all. It also takes three times the normal dose of sedatives for a woman her size to knock her unconscious, at which point she starts flailing and screaming in her sleep, something I discovered when she started screaming and I knew I had to either knock her out or gag her and risk her getting out and taking revenge.

He had her locked in the back of his van for transit, and in retrospect I almost wish we'd left her there. Sure, the rocking might've raised some eyebrows, but it's better than everyone in the fucking motel hearing her scream. It's definitely better than getting attacked, which hasn't really happened yet, but could happen at any moment. We've all been taking turns watching Picasso so that we manage to stay more or less rested. Except for Navi, who apparently still can't see her. The rest of us, though, get to watch her and hope she doesn't destroy anything or attack anyone. She's crazy fucking strong.

Still, we're better off than fuckface the moron.