Sunday, August 10, 2014

What the Fuck Just Happened

So, today was... fuck. I still don't really understand what happened. We were stuck in the car, we couldn't really hear or see all of what was going on. I'm not used to seeing these monsters yet, even though I've had a fair few sightings now. But this... this was a reminder of how intense these fuckers get when they think they're being fucked with.

Before Fuckface starts fucking crowing, we're all safe, and that is entirely thanks to Picasso, of all things. I certainly never thought she'd be saving my ass, but I'm pretty sure she just did, in a big way. Well... okay. He saved my ass through her. I think. That was not her normal voice, and I don't think she could do that shit.

I'm getting ahead of myself. It happened this afternoon, but I'm still all jumbled up. We were on the road moving to another town. It was Vallus' turn driving and I was in the front seat. Sloth was napping, the fucker, and Moth... well, presumably he was being an asshole,  as usual. It's hard to tell since he's so fucking quiet. In any event, everything seemed normal. But then the redheaded bastard showed up. I'm pretty sure he had flowers in the wheels because everything locked up and we skidded to a stop right in front of him.

It was going to be bad. He had the doors jammed and was rambling at us about not getting away and how he would have his fun. I honestly kind of thought I was about to die. Which, I thought I would be okay with, until I finally reached that certainty. But I'm not. I have friends for the first time since I was a little kid. I have shit to do, both to help them and to finish my own business. I still have to kill David Banks. I'm not ready to die yet.

Which is why it's very good that the next thing he did was circle around to the trunk to fuck with Picasso. I couldn't really see what was going on, but Moth was freaking out banging on the window and somehow she got out of the trunk... Next thing we can really see, she's got slender tentacles and has the ginger fucker impaled. She walked him to the treeline and a massive fucking tree grew out of nowhere and ripped him in half.

So, the good news is that we've got some time now. The bad news is that I can no longer keep deluding myself that this fucker is Writer. The guy is a monster. A Fear. I have two Fears fighting over me. Sounds like a twisted version of a shitty romcom. OH NO THESE TWO BOYS BOTH LIKE ME WHAT DO I DO? Except that instead of a happily ever after, I get murdered at the end. Sloth seems to think that if I keep serving the skinny fuck I'll be okay. Not sure I believe it, but it's the best shot I have.


  1. Just how sad are you gonna be when we show up and kill you.

    1. It's cute that you still think you can win.

    2. So is your overconfidence. Positively adorable.

    3. It's not overconfidence if it's backed up by the facts. You have one brain damaged moron and we have a group of skilled fighters plus a woman who is apparently an avatar of slender or something. Who do you really think is going to win?

    4. The better Gentleman of course, me.