Scary Fucking Bitch

Well, Helrick is dead.  We all saw it coming but we were all fucking hoping we were wrong. Everything seemed fine, for a definition of fine that involved Helrick making out with her constantly and generally acting like a little bitch with stockholm syndrome. I'm still not sure if he was humoring her or if he really was that fucking easy. I guess we'll never know now.

I'm not going to waste time on a sappy goodbye, I barely knew the fucker and honestly tearing my hair out every time someone I know dies gets really fucking old. I have work to do, I can't waste my time crying. Honestly I think the much more useful part of that post is Moth outing himself as a twisted, neurotic little fuckhead. The fucker's been trying to get in Vallus' pants the whole fucking time he's been with us and apparently what he really wants to do is attack her for breaking some bullshit vow? He's not holding to it either, I asked and Masks aren't supposed to blog or write notes, both of which he does all the time. And honestly, Vallus didn't do it out of devotion, she did it to impress fuckhead. I think that ought to negate the vows by itself! In any event, I have my eye on Moth and I don't think Vallus is going to be quite so cozy with him in the future.

If it were up to me, I'd ditch the bastard but with Helrick gone Moth's the one who gets her closest to calmed down anymore (which doesn't say promising things about his life expectancy). Plus, Sloth seems to like him. Which is ironic, considering all the crap Moth keeps spouting about how he's going to fuck us all over. I guess he's forgotten that I started travelling with Sloth while nursing him back to health after he nearly died trying to save Moth and Picasso. Some fucking people don't know the meaning of gratitude.

Otherwise, everything's pretty quiet because of the whole Helrick thing. I just thought I should say something to let people know we're all still here. Except for Helrick, I guess.

Never Not Navi

Hey. Navi here. I still don't have an official blog account but to be fair blogging is dumb. Also seems to be high maintenance. I'm sure I'll cave and make an account one of these days but shit's pretty crazy right now with the Smiling guy and the threat of... fuck face... such a vulgar nickname.

Fracture. That was it. Literally no one here calls him that. Kind of funny.

But like I was saying, Fracture or the smiling asshat could pop in at virtually anytime and just kill everyone. At least that's what it sounds like from everything I've read. You should honestly be thankful I'm even posting this. The only reason I am is because Sloth had another one of his dreams and it was either I did it or they were going to let him do it and that seemed even stupider than me posting so here I am.

I mean how inane can you get.

'I had a dream last night. I got lost in the rain. There was a clown there.'

Just truly a waste of everyones god damn time. Don't you think?

I don't know. Maybe I'm way off on this one. This just seemed like the more sensible alternative.

Vallus or Nat should really be posting but they were too exhausted. Really, I'm the only one who isn't psychologically wiped.

And that's a great segue into explaining what has apparently been going on.

I say apparently because I don't know for sure.

To me it just looks like everyone has been getting increasingly violent and unsettled since Helrick arrived. But apparently we got Picasso back when we got Helrick. I wouldn't know. I still can't see or hear Picasso.

Apparently, not even if she yells for over 24 hours straight. Which I'm told she had been ever since Nat ran out of tranquilizers to feed her.

I was also informed that she was alternating between kicking and screaming, and yelling love songs at Helrick.

Notice that I keep using the past tense here. She's stopped now. See, I had a brilliant idea. Based on what I had heard about the situation, and likely in no small part because I was the only one still thinking with their right mind at this point, I suggested that she might shut up if we just gave Helrick to her.

She did apparently keep singing out lovey dovey shit to him after all.

He was very against it. He was pretty sure if he got to close to her, that she'd kill him. But Nat managed to talk him into it.

"I /CAN'T/ take much more of this and I know /YOU/ can't either. We'll all be right behind you. We even took her knife and hatchets away. If anything goes wrong, we'll pull her off of you immediately," said Nat.

"... Fine," said Helrick.

Now keep in mind, the following was explained to me after the fact so I'm putting it in brackets.

[Well, sure enough when Helrick approached she pounced. But she didn't attack him. Just pinned his hands down and curled up next to him.

And most importantly, she stopped fucking screaming.]

Helrick was still nervous about the whole thing. Which I guess is understandable. He requested that someone be by him at all times to keep an eye on them just incase. Nat obliged and now Helrick has his own watch rotation.

Not something I can participate in. To me it looks like hes just awkwardly laying on the ground. If she did something to him, I'd never know or notice so I wouldn't be able to help. Which has put me on permanent night watch. They seem determined to make me pull my weight despite my fucked up sight.

Here's hoping that if anything comes at us I'll actually be able to fucking see it.

Navi out.

One Big Fucked Up Family

In case you hadn't heard, Helrick the... whatever the fuck he is has smuggled Picasso out. How, I'm not sure. Unlike my travelling companions, I've never even been to Fracture's compound, but their descriptions make me think that getting a screaming woman out undetected must have been nothing short of a miracle. Either that or fuckface is really just that bad at his job.

I knew he was pretty bad, because as he has now just found out, he's a proxy who's been stupidly working against the Slender Man for a long time.  How stupid do you have to be to have regular interaction with the thing and still manage to accidentally fucking do the exact opposite thing He wanted you to do? Wow. What a fucking moron. We all knew. All of us. I even tried to tell him. Several times, you can find it in comments if you really want, I've got better things to do than dig it all up. Suffice it to say, fuckface is a fucking moron and we're definitely laughing at him over here. Or at least I am.

We're also keeping busy meeting up with Helrick and Picasso. Which is... a bit of a nightmare. The poor fucker tried to tell me when I called him to try to set up a meeting place (though honestly why I was the one that called, I'm not entirely certain.). He sounded exhausted and miserable, and I could hear her in the background babbling on about eyebrows or some shit. But nothing could have prepared me for the situation. Picasso has gone even further off her rocker, which I didn't think was actually possible. She has no remaining grasp on reality at all. It also takes three times the normal dose of sedatives for a woman her size to knock her unconscious, at which point she starts flailing and screaming in her sleep, something I discovered when she started screaming and I knew I had to either knock her out or gag her and risk her getting out and taking revenge.

He had her locked in the back of his van for transit, and in retrospect I almost wish we'd left her there. Sure, the rocking might've raised some eyebrows, but it's better than everyone in the fucking motel hearing her scream. It's definitely better than getting attacked, which hasn't really happened yet, but could happen at any moment. We've all been taking turns watching Picasso so that we manage to stay more or less rested. Except for Navi, who apparently still can't see her. The rest of us, though, get to watch her and hope she doesn't destroy anything or attack anyone. She's crazy fucking strong.

Still, we're better off than fuckface the moron.

What the fuck is going on here?

Writer came back again. I still don't even know what the fuck he's trying to accomplish. He just shows up, fucks around, then either leaves or lets us go. No word on what he wants, he just flirts and teases and pops around the room like a hyperactive toddler.

Whatever it is that he's after, he seemed very fucking interested in the fact that Moth and Navi are travelling with us now. When he showed up, he insisted that they were the reason for the visit. He wanted to 'get a look at them'. It was almost friendly, except for the fact that he showed up unannounced at 4 am in the middle of our motel room.

He was much less friendly when we started attacking. Bastard blocked us off from the door to keep us from using the Path to get away. Navi jumped through the window instead, having to leave her sword behind since it was stuck in Writer's chest. He didn't bother to take it out, preferring instead to leave it as a very macabre reminder of his invulnerability. Not that it stopped Mothi from continuing to try, right up until the point we were all gone and he followed Navi out the window.

Meanwhile, Writer started calling Vallus and I beautiful and loudly bemoaning the fact that we were fighting him. Instead of what, I'm not certain. At least on my end. Vallus he gave the option to kill me, but he's never even mentioned an offer like that for me. Maybe the fucker just wanted me to let him kill me. Of course, if that's what he wanted, I'm not sure why he didn't do that ages ago when I was alone and miserable.

Whatever the case may be, Vallus managed to get to the closet door, and Sloth distracted him until we were through, then quickly followed us into the Path. Before you get too excited Fuck Face, we're all reunited and Navi has her sword back thanks to Sloth's quick thinking.

I wish there was a way to crafterproof our motel rooms.

The Giggle at a Funeral

May Father always keep me and Darkness hide me.
May I have never have to look back, for he is surely behind me.

I pray Silence hear me and Obsession Guide me.

Compulsion consume me so they may never find me!
And thus we write.

Amen.

Howdy there. Its your girl Vallus here, giving that good ol' prayer.h


So, first off, here is a link to an incredibly relevant post to our current on-goings. Moth, the stubborn oaf that he is, insisted on posting an update for us on HIS blog instead of ours. So go check that out or something. Or not. I don't care.

Hes the one who decided to put it where people wouldn't look, so fuck him. Dumbass.

Apparently hes still just an asshole in general.

We had someone following us around. Nat noticed it and tried to sneak up on them but they drove off.

So when she confessed her concerns to me I had a brilliant idea. As soon as we landed at our next destination we sent Nat, and Moth because he insisted on going too because hes an incredibly nosy shit, to sneak out the back window of our motel and sneak up on the car that has been tailing us everywhere we go the long way. Like all the way around some buildings to get behind the car on approach so there would be no chance of detection.

This plan earned me much of Nat's love. All 0.35 of it.

While they were doing that, I sat down and got some popcorn and sat watching at the ready to rush out to the car if a fight broke out.

There was a fight. Nat wrestled with the tail a bit before she and Moth over powered the suspect.

They then brought the suspect in. Walked her in actually. She just sort of followed them in once Nat got off of her. Turns out it was Navi. Who funnily enough, had not been mentioned on Moth and Picasso's blog for a while.

Turns out she was still around. Never stopped being around. After they went silent, they just couldn't be bothered to mention her. And then she wasn't in the room at the time when Picasso got nabbed, apparently. And then, apparently, she was told by Moth to tail him while he went into hiding in hopes that she would catch Le Croix tailing him if she tailed him herself.

Apparently, Moth just couldn't be bothered to mention she was around when we met up with him. A fact shes very bitter about. Shes apparently been living in her car this whole time. How absolutely nasty and messed up her hair is checks out with this story.

Of course all of this is classified under 'apparently' because Moth refused to verify. I fact, since Navi turned up Moth has refused to write out a single message to any of us. Which is weird because I know he was writing messages to her before. Wonder watch changed since the post I linked to her.

Quite curious.

Atleast Navi is cool though. Shes kind of random. She talks with confidence but rambles nonsense. She showed me the thing she likes to do where she talks at Moth as if he was talking back.

"Hi. How are you? I'm doing kind of good myself. Yeah only kinda. Well apparently some asshole met up with other people and has been living it up in the luxary of motel rooms and the safety of copious numbers while I was out living in my car alone about 50 ft away and couldn't be bothered to invite me. I know right? Such an asshole." And then she shoved Moth over. "Fuck you!"

It was kind of fun to watch. Shes like a one woman show. Never met someone who dipped pickles in peanut butter before they ate them. Fascinating.

She also has this kick ass sword. A katanna. I watched her cut a chair in half with a swift fucking movement. It was amazing. She keeps it in a modified guitar case she keeps on her. It was modified to keep the sword in place so it wouldn't cut through the case when she runs with it and shit. Handy.

She's kind of almost blind though. She can walk around the room and stuff but like she couldn't see me until someone pointed me out which is real weird. Not sure how that works.

Apparently it comes from her super power. She can see emotions and shit. Apparently people turn colors when they feel things. Which makes it extra confusing that she couldn't see me before I was pointed out. You think the colors would have highlighted where I was.

According to her, yellow is attention grabbing, orange is nervous, red is mad, grey is exhausted, blue is passive, dark blue is sad, pink is love and such. Nothing surprising.

She says me and Moth are the only people shes ever met that idle at red. Apparently most people idle at blue or grey. Must be a Mask thing maybe? We were both masks. Somehow that makes us angry all the time or something?

Oh, and apparently she has always been able to see colors but her sight got fucked up when she met 'the master'. I'm pretty sure the master is Father/Slender Man.

That she calls him 'the Master' is very telling of the kind of proxies shes becoming... kind of worried she might hollow. A lot of them that call him that hollow in the short term of their careers... concerning.

Oh well.

Vallus out.

Amen and shit.

Strength in Fucking Numbers

So our merry little band has grown again. After this post, Sloth, Vallus and I decided that since we were already on land, we should probably pick him up and help him out.  The car is getting a bit fucking crowded, especially since somehow I still end up the only one actually doing any fucking driving.Seriously, these assholes seem to expect me to chauffeur their asses about. Well, Sloth keeps trying to fucking drive but I get the distinct impression he never really learned how and is just fucking pushing pedals and hoping for the best.

At any rate, Moth is now travelling with us. We have no idea what the fuck we're doing next, but between the four of us hopefully we can come up with something. No sign of Writer for the moment, which is a good fucking sign. Things are about to get way fucking complicated without the bastard's interference.

Worship Like a Dog at the Shrine of Your Lies

You know my dad was philosopher? He'd spend all day drinking and at about three o'clock in the afternoon when I got home he'd stop and take pen to paper and write out insane drunken ramblings. And when he sobered up several hours later he'd sit their and try to decipher hidden meanings in his own words. Try to pick apart his own logic from his liberated state to uncover underlying truths that might apply not only to himself but to humanity as a whole.

This career choice came about after he was fired from Walmart. He convinced himself that he had unique ideas and an unique outlook and that since philosophy is largely opinion based, that he would be able to take those unique outlooks and bind them together as pages into a book that he was similarly convinced would sell well.

Dad's trip into philosophy taught me an awful lot. That people do whatever they want and justify it later, like when he would drink all day insisting it 'helped him think better'.

That people mean well but rarely do well, like when by father took all my toys to the pawn shop so we could afford food that week and came back with bags full of alcohol.

That people would sooner sink in the ship they know than board a floating ship they don't, like when my mother supported him in this dead end endeavor  for five years before she finally got fed up and left him.

That its better to let go and move on than stick it out for others. Learned that one when I ran away from my new home to visit my father a town over. When I finally got there, after what felt like hours of walking, I find his bloated corpse. He'd drunk himself to death and no one had found him in all that time. He had no friends... lost his family... just best not to look back as a ship sinks you know? Because you can't stop it. So you move on.

I never went home. I was too mad at my mother. He might not have died if she hadn't taken me away. A decision I regretted from that night on but one I never decided to over turn. For all my nights freezing out on the streets, for all my hunger, for all my longing to be found and held my spite over what she had done to my father kept me moving.

That last thing she said to me has always followed me. She said, "Pray for him. If you're good, maybe god will help him over come his demon's. Lord knows he's earned no good will of his own."

The longer I've thought about those words the wronger they have become. That kind of thinking underlines the problem with faith. Or more accurately, the underlying problem with most religions.

'If you're good, maybe god will help.'

Every religion establishes rules. Thing to do. Things not to do. They all enforce a sort of social order. And every religion promises that if you abide then at some point things will get better. Even if it only ever gets better after you die. Religions, in this sense, serve to establish order and generate good will.

And that makes them hypocritical. Because if you are obeying out of belief that this will serve you down the road then what you are doing can't be classified as 'good'. What you are doing is selfish and self-serving. You help others because you believe it will help yourself. You obey not because it is whats right but because it is what is right for you.

Philosophy tells us we should play lip service, even if we don't believe on any level because it costs us nothing to have faith. If there is no god, then we miss out on nothing. But if there is a god and you had no faith then you miss out on everything. Philosophy advises that you 'hedge your bets'. And it is in this way that these religions and the field of philosophy hold us back as a species.

We should not be resigning ourselves to the promise of good fortune in exchange for giving good will and behaving. I'm not saying don't believe. I'm not saying that religions are wrong. But they are holding us back. We should not need a reason to promote good will among ourselves. We do not need to be threatened or bribed into being good people. We should just be good fucking people.

Just don't be a fucking shit head. Is that so hard?

Don't be good because someone wants you to. Just be good because its the right fucking thing to do.

Its in this sense that I find Proxy to be a more honest faith. No one hold any illusions about being a proxy. Why do we serve? Because we want to survive. Why do we worship him? In a desperate bid for mercy. No illusions that this is the right thing to do. No illusions that we are doing what we are doing to help others. Just pure unbastardized self serving murder.

An honest faceless faith.

Sloth out.